He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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