just come out here and I will go home with you...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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