the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
