Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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