Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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