Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
