I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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