we have officially lost it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
