Michael Bay diarrhea
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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