Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
