I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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