this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
