Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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