soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
