Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
