when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
