If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Found the puke drawer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
