My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
