Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
