do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
