She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
