I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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