69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
