I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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