I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
