I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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