I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
