Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize