he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
