Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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