I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
