Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
