The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
