I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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