im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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