We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
