Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
