Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
