My nipple is on Facebook.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
