You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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