All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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