im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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