How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
