She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I want is dick and wine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
