Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
