you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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