im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Drake has all the answers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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