I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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