Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
