i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
