I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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