dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize