I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
