Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
