Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
