WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
