At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
