I bet he comes in French.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
