she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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