eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
