He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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