When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
