Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
