Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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