maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm passing your future prison.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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