I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
