ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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