No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
