And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
