is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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