I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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