so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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