I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
