his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
