Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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