All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
