no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
