So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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