You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
